We Did Our Best

Trust, what a multifaceted word that is.
: to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of
: to place confidence in : rely on
: to hope or expect confidently
: to commit or place in one’s care or keeping
: to permit to stay or go or to do something without fear or misgiving

Five different meanings. How I personally define it is to be able to rely on the loyalty of family and close friends to have your back, regardless, when you are unfairly put under attack. When someone criticises your efforts unjustifiably and desperately tries to make a fool of you. There are those who you naturally trust without reservation. Your parents, your spouse, your close family, and friends. No one expects, and certainly does not want, to be a part of a “broken trust” situation. Whether it’s friendship or relationship, all bonds are built on trust. Without it, you have nothing. We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.” When people honour each other, there is a trust established that leads to…deep respect. Both parties make decisions and choices based on what is right, what is best,’ is valued most highly.”

I lost my trust in Naomi when she broke my trust by breaking a secret, but more so when she said that she is “happy” to keep her children and herself as far away from me as possible, I have never heard a child say that about their parents, not even in a movie. I lost my trust in Derek when he stole my personal and private belongings and publicised it, I lost my trust in Donny when he twisted and bent my fingers so far back that a electric shock shot up my arm and broke my heart, I lost my trust for Khadra when she called the police on me for putting up a picture of my grandchildren on face book and when she emancipated Kay, myself and Steven for absolutely no reason. I collectively lost my trust in them all when they allowed Hannah and Becci to disrespect and insult me, their father. I trusted them implicitly and expected them to defend me, as I would them. We can never have a relationship like that ever again. There seems like no real chance for a reconciliation. They have all let me down, monumentally. I can never rely upon their support ever again.

I suppose the very first person who I completely and entirely trusted, without even knowing it, was my mother. I never questioned it.  I just did it without thinking. I never thought, “oh, I wonder if my mother loves me” I just knew that she did by how she treated me and how I felt when I was in her arms. I trusted her never to hurt me ever. There is only one other person after my mum whom I trusted as much as I trusted her. My wife, Kay. As soon as I met her, I knew we were meant for each other as there were no inhibitions between us. I almost immediately recognised the trust between us. I would have trusted her with my life in a heartbeat. This was a girl for life. She was never going to let me down. She would never break my trust or my heart. She was entirely loyal and loved me. That is why we were married within 5 months of meeting each other. There was no point in waiting. I loved her, and she loved me. We wanted to be together for the rest of our lives, and we wanted to have six children. What would be the point of a long engagement. We both knew what we wanted, each other. Money was never a consideration for us, and neither was where we would live. It was just wanting to be together. 50 years have come and gone, and those feelings still remain with us. She is mine, and I am hers, now and forever. I never consider whether I trust her or not, I just do.

 

The next people we trusted were my children. From the instance they arrived in my life, I trusted them. First and foremost, I trusted them to love us, and they did unconditionally. If we told them not to eat stinging nettles, they trusted us, and we trusted them never to eat them. When they told us that they loved us, and that happened many times, we believed them without question. It, therefore, goes without saying that when Becci LOVED the heinous message that Hannah’s mother sent me, and when Hannah criticised how I raised Elliott, I naturally expected them all to defend me. Not just Steven. Elliott once complained to me that he had received a bad service from a man in church who provided a disc jockey service. I immediately contacted the man and defended Elliott. I needed no convincing. I just believed what Elliott told me and acted on it. I trusted in what he told me, sadly, that person has not spoken to me since I did that, but I trusted Elliott without questioning it for no other reason than he is my son. That is my duty, as defending their parents is their duty.  I enjoyed that kind of trust up until they got married to people having different value systems to us. Less caring.

I used to take hundreds of photos of our kids, and not one of those photos shows a miserable child or adolescent. They are all very happy and love us without condition. They knew we did the best we could for them. Yet, without acception, all of them turned on us when they married people from broken marriages. That is the only common denominator. The outcome was a total obliteration of the immense trust that we had for them. I trusted them to defend us against the awful way in which Hannah and Becci treated us. We are their parents, after all. For the first time ever i loaned Elliott £60 and he never gave it back. He did not apologise or give any reasoning for not giving it back. i mentioned it to him, but he still never gave it back. He had never done that before Hannah. From then on i never trusted him with my money. We are not expecting too much from them, just what most parents get. I was not a drug addict, I did not come home and abuse them, I never beat their mother or controlled her. I never sold their belongings for drink or drugs. I never pimped them or made them servants. I did not embarrass them in front of their friend. Indeed, their friends said they liked me. I was, for all intents and purposes, a good dad until they married. The facts speak for themselves.

Derek was influenced by a whole family regime. Donny by Cyclodelic’s, Naomi by wealth and social ladder climbing, Elliott by sex and Khadra by quirkiness and pride, one-up-Manship. The sad reality is that somehow they lost the love and respect they had for us and the only real change in their lives was independence and a partner, who were subjected to broken homes and all the trauma that it involves i.e. lack of attention, security, and love. They will find a separation, later in life, more acceptable and easier to go through. I believe that via coercion from their partners, they were convinced that we did not love them and they reciprocated. We never stopped loving them. We still have not stopped loving them. We are adapting to our situation. If we didn’t, we would die. We are surviving.